


twitter quarantine

by doctormissy



Series: twitterverse [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: #GuardianDemon, Cameos, Coronavirus, Crowley Has a Pet Snake (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Other, POV Outsider, Social Media, Twitter, everyone is bored in quarantine, ish, probably won't make sense unless you've read twitter cryptids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23621008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormissy/pseuds/doctormissy
Summary: danger noodle🐍 @ajcrowleyI know I said what I said but it’s been a while and I’m boooooooooredwill beat u at fortnite@warlockinglet’s play animal crossing@ajcrowleyOr: it's a year after Crowley and Aziraphale's wedding, COVID-19 is happening, and where else would people be but on Twitter?[A twitter cryptids special.]
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: twitterverse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592104
Comments: 78
Kudos: 533
Collections: Wickedly Good Omens Fics





	twitter quarantine

**Author's Note:**

> this is the special I mentioned earlier in twitter cryptids. I just had to. it's a bit more serious in places but still full of humour as always (at least I hope so XD). I hope you enjoy! this is for everyone who told me that that fic brought them happiness in these terrible times. stay safe! ♥
> 
> edit 1/5: they posted a [30th anniversary lockdown special](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quSXoj8Kob0&feature=youtu.be) and some of the stuff, well... half this fic is canon now :)

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I spend a week offline and wake up to a global pandemic. right, what’s next? locusts? I thought the apocalypse was off for GOOD

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
I said I could make things better but you didn’t let me. and now look at the world. fires and floods and mice and stuff is everywhere and now this.

on the bright side: we don’t go to school!!! awesome!!!

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
when the antichrist is also a 12-year-old…

**in your dreams** @cannoli_oli  
how do u not notice that though? ://

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we were occupied doing other things and didn’t watch the news? look, time goes by quickly when you’re only focused on one thing for a change

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
is that I what I think is 😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
…sorting aziraphale’s hoard of books and finally setting up a guest bedroom, getting drunk a lot in the process?

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
lmao

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
wait, DOES this have something to do with the apocalypse?

**Kacey** @2001kaykay  
a friend of mine joked that the apocalypse was coming and… yeah

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
well don’t ask ME, I’m bloody retired

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
ACTUALLY, WHEN PESTILENCE SAW THE EARTH WASN’T DESTROYED AND THE HORSEPERSONS FAILED TO DO THEIR JOB, HE GOT MAD AND HATCHED A REVENGE PLAN. WE WEREN’T ABLE TO STOP IT IN TIME.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, fudge.

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
can’t even say fuck, angel boy?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he can if he wants to. I was shocked too when I first heard him say it skddsjf

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Yes, I can say fuck if I bloody well please. Excuse me, I have a village to place miracles around!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
okay people, let’s get real for a while. aziraphale and I can’t catch this bitch and we made sure that no one in the immediate neighbourhood would, but that’s not your case. so stay the fuck inside. wear masks. keep your distance. wash your hands. protect the #NHS  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we’re immortal and have seen worse, we’ve seen the actual black death in the 14th century, and covid-19 has nothing on that cos modern medicine and technology is on a whole another level, so’s media coverage, everything. but don’t believe all the shit on the internet!  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’ll pass. hell will LOVE the chaos that’ll come after, but don’t let that get u down. especially if u work in health care, in shops, in food processing, as a volunteer, a teacher, a janitor, a dustman. all the forgotten minimum-wage jobs.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
you’re appreciated. seriously. you’ll get through it. and if we have any say in it, people will see your real worth. because all humans are amazing, it’s the rich bastards who don’t see that. and it’s not your fault that u keep getting stuck in the middle of the celestial games.  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
also--it’s ok if you’re not productive, if you’re just bored, gain weight, get depressed, and/or stay in your pyjamas all day and aren’t like all those insta stars who post their home exercise videos and learn a new language. look! we’re like that! we do nothing for days on end!  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
rewatch your favourite series. read books. clean your house. do the stuff you’ve been putting off for a decade or twenty (well, that’s just me). or not. who cares. talk on skype if you can’t teleport and put off celebrations for later when you can’t travel in time :)  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
it’s our wedding anniversary in two weeks too and yea it sucks cos most restaurants and theatres and stuff are closed, but we’ll order in and watch plays online. the world’s not ending you know. we’d know, we were there

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
THIS!!! especially when ur in the US cause people here are acting horribly and taking no precautions and trump’s a dick so. be better. stay safe :3

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
BLES S

**twink no. 5** @LukeBatkins  
#GuardianDemon strikes again!!!!!

**bellarke is canon** @cheeryontop  
thank you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

**Pauline** @goodtimegirl  
thank you! I’m a nurse and people THINK they can imagine what it’s like at a hospital right now but they really really can’t. and we’re just at the beginning. it’s so tiring. I barely have time to eat. be grateful for being able to stay at home, don’t act like idiots.

**Connor** @28connor  
 _@ajcrowley_ a question: if you were like the archangel of healing or something, can’t u… idk… cure everyone?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@28connor_ maybe, in time, but even if I could, even if I were still on the payroll anywhere, this kind of interference isn’t allowed

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
have u really protected your village though?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shut up or they’ll think I’ve gone soft

**Lord of Memes** @beelzebub  
as if that’s bloody news

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
fuck I hate online university

**vroom vroom** @carmenekwensi  
bitch me too

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
mood

**meta corner** @doctormissy  
yuP

**Proper** @PlantMum  
WRITING A BACHELOR THESIS WITHOUT A LIBRARY HHHHHHH

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
guh I’m glad I convinced aziraphale not to go back to teaching just yet, can u imagine him and zoom calls and online homework

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
So am I, darling, so am I.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I know I said what I said but it’s been a while and I’m booooooooored

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
right? the club’s closed and I’m not allowed at the precinct but chloe still has to work, it’s unfair! I’m bloody immune to this coronavirus thing! but no, I’m stuck babysitting the urchin and playing teacher with her. at least maze & eve live in the flat below the penthouse now…

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
Warlock and I taught our mates how to video call each other, even Trixie, so that’s nice but it’s rubbish that we can’t go to Hogback Wood cos Mr Tyler watches everything :/

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
let’s play animal crossing _@ajcrowley_

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@warlocking_ we did that yesterday and the day before, I’m tired of the game…

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
I spent two hours playing akinator like I was in middle school again, 11/10 would recommend 👍

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
shoot the wall like it’s sherlock

**monica** @moneyca  
do more makeup looks and post them all here

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
do a livestream or smth!

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
have a LOT of sex, that’s what we’re doing ;)

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
ok u said u can’t cure everyone but u could still go to a hospital and help, didn’t u once say that you did get an actual medical degree at some point?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@haleyscometh_ yeah, in the 18th century, can’t imagine it’s much use now. and anyway I don’t help people, I’m a demon!

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
ahem

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
ahem

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
ahem

**Proper** @PlantMum  
ahem

**coffee & cake **@betty_oconnor  
Ahem

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
ahem

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Ahem

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
et tu, aziraphale

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
snake girls. whatever. [#NoWhereToGoChallenge](https://www.instagram.com/p/B-OLgQBnDa6/)  
[ _An Instagram story video of Crowley and Antoinette awkwardly and somewhat badly dancing to the song NoWhere To Go. Crowley is wearing the snake-print onesie._ ]

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
u really are bored huh? 😁🐍

**forever a rosa diaz stan** @ellatheawesomestcsi  
oh my goooooood u did that too! damn, dude 😛

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
I forgot how bad demons were at dancing, thanks for reminding me 👍

**🍕** **pizza** **🍕** @pepperony  
brilliant

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary entities: my spouse.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
shush, you’re the one who willingly married a demon 😘

**lord of files** @Dagon  
*looks into the camera, sipping lukewarm tea* yes beelzebub I absolutely want to hear about what gabriel did now

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
*looks into the camera, sipping tea with distilled stardust* yes, Gabriel, I absolutely want to hear about what Beelzebub did now.

**lord of files** @Dagon  
drink to that sis

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
please pleaseplease not together I don’t need another scar on my brain after gabe & beelz

**Michael** @ArchangelMichael  
:)

**maze** **🔪🔪🔪** @mazikeen  
lux is closed so we’re having a private party, feel free to join mr bored and dunno what to do. I’m hoping someone will start a fight 🤜💥🤛  
[ _A photo of Maze, Eve, Dagon, Michael, Lucifer, Amenadiel, and Linda sitting around a table. Amenadiel is holding his one-year-old son Charlie in his lap. There are various bottles and snacks on the table, as well as a stack of board games_.]

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
*miracle-powered message* all non-hostile celestial beings and associates are henceforth invited, since we’re the only ones who can socialise

**Sabrina** **🔮** @SSpellman  
cool :)

**so fab(i)ulous** **✨** @baneofyourexistence  
wonderful!

**DEATH** @AZRAEL  
I’M AFRAID I’M TOO BUSY :/

**Just a normal human** @AdamYoung  
my parents would notice if I teleported myself to Los Angeles, but thanks for the invite, not-dad

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
 _@AdamYoung_ it’s been more than a year, are you still on about that?

**witch extraordinaire** @anathema_d  
 _@TheDevilOfLA_ and he’ll keep being on about that cause he’s almost a teenager now :)

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
>:(

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
…u know what, we’ve got nothing to lose anymore. have u got cards against humanity? cos if not, I can bring em

**heaven was boring so i left** @eveofeden  
 _@ajcrowley_ we do :3

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
cool. this can’t possibly be worse than the wedding reception a year ago, eh?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I was wrong. weird family reunions will ALWAYS be worse than slightly tense wedding receptions.

**Connor** @28connor  
mood

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ah, so true

***jake peralta voice* noice** @adhdbisexuall  
but… at least ur not bored anymore, are you?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
nope

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
don’t follow our example though @ humans. don’t do risky shit and stay at home! you don’t all have a friendly neighbourhood angel at your disposal, remember that

**loki lives** @kara_thomps  
FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD ANGEL NDJFDNSDS

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
That’s me, a friendly neighbourhood angel! 😇

**Lucifer Morningstar** @TheDevilOfLA  
yes, a friendly neighbourhood angel who fucked us all up in cards against humanity

**aggressively tired** @kartoffelsalat  
even the demons?

**so fab(i)ulous** **✨** @baneofyourexistence  
even the demons.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
he’s a bastard, I love him

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
After 6000 years with humans and a year of being married to Crowley, I was bound to learn things.

**will beat u at fortnite** @warlocking  
but ur so old fashioned!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
that’s where you’re wrong, my dear hellspawn

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
um. he’s on twitter??

**oui** @TypeTape  
this is honestly the only thing keeping me entertained during quarantine lmao

**lil pistachio** @swiftie02  
 _@TypeTape_ ikr? reading all the replies gives me LIFE

**panana** @ahsokaaaa  
do y’all have some videos or

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yes but im afraid they’re unsuitable for human eyes

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I am the dancing queen, old and mean, stuck in quarantine

but aziraphale still convinced me to miracle my old papers into valid ones and join him in helping at st thomas’ hospital in london, where we temporarily relocated again, back to the bookshop  
|  
 **danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I haven’t done this since that one plague in 1665… which hastur found out about and burnt london down as a result… but I’m not hell’s employee anymore and he can do nothing to me, so fuck that, I’m owning up to the #GuardianDemon thing

**sempiternal** @SalicylicAcid  
Bless you 🙇

**Q** @efficiencies  
thank you both. sincerely.

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
yesssssssss

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
don’t thank me, just survive and show us that we did the right thing when we stopped our bosses from blowing the earth up with nuclear missiles two years ago.

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
♥

**Author's Note:**

> **comments and kudos sustain me <3**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Stay at Home Devil](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767537) by [GlitterSkullFairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterSkullFairy/pseuds/GlitterSkullFairy)




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